There are a few questions:
1. What does the husband resemble or should be seen as in the eyes of his wife, and vise versa?
2. How should decisions in marriage be approached if the partners disagree on a certain issue? should the man's wishes be respected or should the wife go ahead with what she thinks is right (given that both sides presented a reasonable argument)?
3. What are the common values for success in marriage?
I would appreciate if the comments came from the older youth on this site or from those who are married, engaged etc as they would have more knowledge about the issue. Please also attach any articles or sermons relating to the topic that could be of any benefit.
Thank You
Comments
1) Because the husband and wife are one body, and have become so because of the holy matrimony, they are equal to each other as God created both Adam and Eve "to be a companion for him" (there is also a quote from St.Paul saying that we are all equal before God, Jews greeks, slave free, man or woman, but sorry don't have the reference). Hence they are both equal. Now " But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God" (1 Corinthians 11:3). Notice the head of the man is Christ, and it is the man's duty as the husband to imitate Christ's virtues. The head of woman is man, but that does not mean that woman is inferior ro man for he read later on: "Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord. For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God." (1 Corinthians 11:11). They are both equal in God. Their relationship can be likened to the relationship between God the Father and God the Son. Both are equal to each other, but we hear the Son in the garden of Gethsemane obeying the father saying "yet not my will but yours be done" (Luke 22:42) and also "as father commands so I do" (John 14:31). This does not mean that the Son is less than the Father; both are equal, and the Sons obedience to the Father did not reduce his status or equality with the Father. Likewise husband and wife are equal before God, but the wife should defer to the husband, simply because one hand should hold the tiller, and that was entrusted by God to man.
3) Common values - well, straight forward things really: communal prayer involving both spouses - both during the engagement period and the honeymoon and the rest of their lives. Love. Trust. In fact the engagement period is essential to the success of a marriage - there are three common ways in which the engagement period is wasted and causes marriage failure later. The first is the "romance" that is going on with the dating etc. - this encourages lustful infatuations between the couple and is no guarantee of a successful marriage - a relationship should be built in love, in the church, before the confession fathers, to ensure the path is correct. The second is familial problems arousing from the goings-on of engagement - the family of each of the spouses don't see their son or daughter since their engagement ("wa7hd 3and khatabtoo - im with my fiance") and this could lead to tensions later on. The third which is common in Egypt is the business of preparing for the wedding - the house, el 3avsh (furniture) the insurance, the car, the wedding dress etc. and the couple forget the important virtues of love, getting to know each other, they don't pray for God's will and guidance.
I'm sorry if this hasn't helped, and I'm sure more experienced people will contribute more with their wisdom.
pray for me
joe
I have a question . What do you mean when you say every person is the boss? and if after discussion both cannot agree or find a middle ground (as they each have legitimate points yet different of one another ), then what should be done to settle this issue as a christian couple?
As for the scenario in which there is no middle ground - firstly if their are children, then the voices of the adult couple take precedence due to their greater wisdom and experience and "Honor your father and mother" (Exodus 20, the Fifth Commandment). If there is no middle ground between the couple, the size of the decision has to be taken into account - if it a serious or large decision, a thrid party should be involved, preferrably a father priest who knows the couple through confession and attendance to the church, as he will be able to aid them in this decision. Obviously the problem with getting the two families of the couple involved in a large decision is the inevitable conflict that could arise, causing massive complications between the couple. In the case of a small decision, we must remember that the head of woman is man, and she should defer to him, but I will again stress that the two are equal, but God chose the man to lead, as only one should be leader.
hope i have helped and pray for me
joe
This isn't it, but it is also relevant:
"18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. " (Colossians 3)
Here it is!
"22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[d] of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”[e] 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5)
calm down with the essays
Haha...I think we have a predilection to do that. But would you prefer that we had 5 posts to cover all our responses!
But they are good "Essays". Thanks guys.
peraonally.. i would read 10 short posts than 1 huge 1..even if it is the same amount.... i dunno why..lol ::)
It seems kind of overwhelming... especially when it's a big slab of writing with the absense of paragraphs.. It just looks really unattractive to our brains.. LOL .
It's like walking around in a closed shopping centre, you could walk around for hours! But then if someone asks us to walk across the carpark, which could only take 10 minutes.. we'd dread the thought!
It's like once you start, you've made a commitment to finish it - you have an idea about how far you'll go and if it seems too far.. we don't begin - even if we KNOW it's within our capacity.
Sorry. Totally off topic. I just think it's interesting. :)
www.orthodoxsermons.org
and go to sermons
then go to love and marriage then marriage 5 part series, and listen to these sermons.
Hope this helps
God Bless