Every day in my house there is a fight there hasn't been one day in awhile where no one has fought with each other. It's such a hostile environment and it is so hard to grow as a christian when there is so much hate, yes hate, around me. The things we fight about are so stupid, and yes i also i acknowledge that some of these fights are started because of something I did or said. But lets say my brother, he is older than me and I am a easy going person I hate being an up tight person and ill joke around and if I do something to him he thinks is annoying he will start screaming and swearing and what not. Basically my family is really disfunctional. I can't stand being home for one more minute.
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Every situation is different, so I won't claim to have a complete answer. What I can offer is my personal experience.
I grew up in a household that sounds alot like the one you are describing (if not somewhat worse). My step-father is a lousy human being. He met my mother when I was about five and married her in court (not in Church). He accidentally got her pregnant when I was seven and demanded that she have an abortion. (As it turned out he just wanted a greencard.) She refused and went to our Abouna for advice. They finally got married in the church because Abouna basically forced them to. (You can immagine how he just adored the abortion idea . . .). The next twelve years were loads of fun too . . . For example, I have one particular memory of my mother and step-father having a shouting match over who discovered America. (Talk about stupid things to argue over! They were both wrong by the way)
My experience has taught me a few things. Most importantly, just like in the "Footprints" poem, when things are at their worst, God is at his closest. Even though I still don't like my step-father very much, he happened to be a non-practicing Copt, and he happened to use the Church as a means of keeping me occupied. Since I really didn't have any other outlet, I got everything I needed from the Church, most importantly it taught me faith in God and gave me an image of how a family should be.
Thankfully my mother supported my desire to be involved in the Church, even though I don't think she ever really learned to understand Coptic faith. Abouna had a great many conversations with them about a great many things, but they had firmly made their decision to be unhappy, so they didn't listen to a thing he said. As it turns out, my ultimate solution for dealing with the state of my family life was to leave.
This was my solution, and I still think it was the right one for me, but it's not universal. If your parents listen to your Abouna, he may be a big part of your solution, but don't expect to see results overnight or even over a couple of years. Staying on the path God has set for you is a lifelong practice that takes constant perserverence. This applies to a family every bit as much as it applies to an individual.
Yet, (and I hope this is not your case) Jesus had said that if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off. If you do everything you can, and I mean try everything to get your family on track (keeping in mind that you may be the heart of the family, but not the head), and they still won't follow God's path. You may have to worry only about your own spiritual life, and not theirs, but do this as reluctantly as literally cutting your own hand off.
I hope this is helpful,
George
Allow me to share an experience I had with my siblings. Usually we drive together to church. We usually have some arguments on our way back from church on trivial matters. Instead of discussing the Gospel read or the sermon given we will be devouring each other over insignificant details. Remember the verse: “The seeds that fell on the footpath represent those who hear the message, only to have the devil come and take it away from their hearts and prevent them from believing and being saved.” Luke 8:12. One day, one of my brothers asked why we fight on the way back from church and that we should start to change. Following his advice we start reminding each other that we shouldn’t argue whenever things start going towards fighting. We still blow up on each other but there is light at the end of the tunnel, there slight signs of change.
You know the saying “if you find out that the devil is tempting you, you won 90% of the battle”. Therefore, it is not your family members or you that are the real source of misery but the devil. Talk to you family members and ask your father of confession how as a family can escape the destructiveness of anger. Pray together as a family regularly. When you come together don’t limit your discussions to earthly matters only but also about spiritual matters. Most importantly practice love by serving one another willingly. Love one another as scripture says “If someone says, “I love God,” but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is a liar; for if we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” 1John 4:20
Final words, there are usually problems in every family and even every Church. Wherever there is a gathering of human beings there going to be some problem. Don’t feel discouraged by this.
May God help us all, and may we strengthen each other during this Great Fast.
In Christ
Theophilus
I really think that your advice is amazing, both of you. The thing is when I try to get spiritual with my brother or Father it's awkward like my brother is not the kind of person that likes going to church and all of that and same with my father. With my mom I can but whenever I try to talk to my brother he will be like "yea yea shut up look at yourself 1st." and yes I do act unchristian at time but im trying to change myself and being in this kind of enviornmnet is not helping.
Hey, I just wanted to say, I live in a place where there are practically no christians (or at least practising ones)... I agree with you, it is difficult being in an evironment where you don't feel the support of fellow believers with whom you can strive to get nearer to God.
But you have to remember that God is everywhere, He put you in this familly, and as with everything, He does it for a reason. Consider that maybe He wants to use you to get to your family, you and all christians are called upon to be the salt and the light.
Also consider that one can accomplish anything through prayers and supplications. And we are in the blessed time of Lent, and by fasting and submitting yourself to the Lord, He will help you, as He sees fit.
If you sense a bad argument coming, or feel you're in a situation where you might sin, flee..
Control your tongue and heart and go to your room and ask the help and comfort of our Father who is in heaven.. Remember, with Him, nothing is impossible and no way will He see His son asking for His help and leave him like that...
I understand completely that you feel awkward talking to your family about religious matters, but remember, it doens't have to be with words. I think you should focus on bettering your life and they will see that eventually and start to learn from you. Try not to upset them in any way, think that the Lord said: blessed are the peacemakers...
God bless
Please pray for my great weakness
I really think that your advice is amazing, both of you. The thing is when I try to get spiritual with my brother or Father it's awkward like my brother is not the kind of person that likes going to church and all of that and same with my father. With my mom I can but whenever I try to talk to my brother he will be like "yea yea shut up look at yourself 1st." and yes I do act unchristian at time but im trying to change myself and being in this kind of enviornmnet is not helping.
The Worst Sinner,
I think situations like these are the times when it becomes important to be as gentle as a dove and wise as a serpent. Your parents say you should look at yourself first, and God's earliest little instruction manual says to honor them (you know he didn't have parents like ours, but he is God so I think I'll take his word for it, :P).
I think the answer here is to start with yourself. Now, I beg, please don't take that as a statement of judgement. As a matter of fact I've thumbed through some of the things you've posted on this website and it's clear that you are already working at developing a close relationship with God, and I'm sure you're already a better person than I am.
The type of self improvement I'm specifically referring to is actually kind of superficial, but still good. In addition to your normal vigil, try improving yourself in ways your family is sure to notice and ask for their help. If they seem intent on not noticing the things that you try, (and here's the tough part) ask for a way you can begin to become a better Christian and a better person.
Whatever they use as an escape, you can use in God's service. If, for example, you're working on using less profanity at home, and you ask for help and they dodge the topic by complaining about your room, clean it and come back. If it's something you can't fix so easily, ask if you should work on that first.
Bringing a family to repentence is much more difficult than just bringing yourself to repentence, but #1 the blessing is a thousand times greater, and #2 God put you where you are for a reason. Maybe he's having you develop skills you will need for some greater purpose in the future.
Most importantly, keep your head about you. Do everything with love, or don't do it. Don't blame anyone for anything even if they are clearly 100% to blame, and (again) remember that you aren't the head of the family so don't act like a teacher.
God Bless,
George