How does one forgive and forget

Unknown

Hi,

I know this sounds like a trivial question, but it has NEVER been answered. I'm not even sure that our CoC priests understand it.

Once, this bishop in the CoC did something - well.. I think I could have thrown him in prison for it, but I didnt. Anyway, this CoC priest told me "You must forget... you must forget... ""

I presented him with a simple question/analogy:

I said to him "Abouna, if I lied to you, and that lie really hurt you , and ruined your life - would you forgive me?"
He said "Yes, I would forgive you".
I said to him "Would you trust me again?"
He said "No. I wouldn't trust you again"
I said "Why? Why don't you forget?"

So, I don't even think people really understand this.

God treats us as though we haven't done this mistake, but if we continue to treat others as though they haven't done a mistake, aren't we just throwing away lessons that we should have learnt from??

Remember what Bush taught us: "You fooled me once, but if you fool me again, shame on you"

Or, there's the Egyptian saying "He who has been burnt from sipping the soup, will then blow on the yoghurt" (il itlassa3a min il shourba yonfokh fil zabadee".

peterfarrington

I don't think that we should forget what has happened in the sense of not learning lessons from it. But we should forgive and forget the offence so that we deal with the person as if they had never hurt us.

If I asked you to open the Church for the services but you didn't turn up it would inconvenience many people. But I would want to find out why you had not been able to serve as you said you would. I would ask you to open the Church up again, but perhaps there were things I needed to also do to help you to keep your promise. Perhaps you were coming by bus and there was a problem, maybe I needed to ask someone else to give you a lift.

Even if you said that you had something else to do which didn't seem very important to me I would still give you another chance, but it would be sensible for me to make some other arrangements as well, even by turning up earlier myself. But perhaps I would need to find some other way for you to serve and allow me to show that I valued your service.

It would seem foolish to forget that you had not done what you said you would twice already, but it should not affect the love and care which was shown to you. It seems to me that there is a difference in the remembrance, one is a remembrance to help us improve the situation in the future, and the other is a remembrance of the hurt and offence which cannot be helpful to anyone. Even in the case of the first remembrance, when the lesson has been learned then that remembrance can also be forgotten.

St Paul teaches us, 'Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres'. Therefore it seems to me that even while learning lessons from people's behaviour in the past we must creatively find ways to allow them to be trusted, that doesn't always mean repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

Father Peter

grace08

I don't believe that just because you forgive someone means that you have to trust them.  What if that person never changed and continued to do the same thing?  I don't know of any Bible verse that says when we forgive we have to trust, that would be foolish and immature on our part.  However if the person has changed I think that we should allow ourselves to trust them but as always trust has to be earned and will take time.

Forgetting does not mean completely erasing the memory of the event from our minds as though it never happened.  I believe forgetting means we should try not to dwell on it, replay it in our minds over and over again, be bitter and angry about what happened.  Basically forgetting is choosing not to recall the event and moving on without any hatred, revenge or bitterness. 

monika ramzy

you must forgive but you MUST NOT forget. i heard this in a sermon by Abouna Anthony Messeh from St. Mark's church in Washingron DC. from orthodoxsermons.org
it's an AMAZING sermon, listen to it, just go to this website and scroll down to "The love boat series- part 6: love is forgiving":

http://www.orthodoxsermons.org/index.php?option=com_docman&task=cat_view&gid=150&Itemid=5

please listen to it, it's totally worth it!

copticcross3

not only must you not forget, but i really don't think it's possible.  I mean yes, it is natural that your brain tries to push back and block bad experiences, but i really don't think you can ever truly forget.  BUt you definitely should and NEED to forgive others; and that can be done through humbling yourself.  Just remember the grand sacrafice that God made, the life of his only son, for you.  If God, our Lord and savior can be so humble as to do that, instead of letting us suffer, can not you forgive the trivial earthyl things that your brothers have done onto you?

Theophilus 1

Hello Tesbeha people. I ask all of you for your forgiveness if what I will say is going to offend you and correct me if I am wrong. I am writing this post because I am observing a growing trend of disregarding our clergy’s and even referring to them in some extremely inappropriate ways.
It might be the case that some clergy are unfit for their position. But we should realize it is not the individual priest or bishop that we are respecting but the office they hold. In 1 Samuel 3 we see that even though the priest Eli was unholy he was still the one who help Samuel discern God’s voice. Also even though the priest of Jesus time were hypocrites Jesus order the ten lepers “He looked at them and said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.”” Luke 17:14.       
Personally I found our COC clergy to be very humble and loving. They bear with our childish ways and listen to our confessions not with anger but compassion. They abandon promising earthly careers to serve us for the love of God. May the God who gives them His grace pay grant them great rewards in heaven.
If one strongly feels his/her abouna or bishop is not meeting their need then it will be appropriate to follow the three simple steps indicated in Matthew 18: 15 – 17. First and foremost, talk to him privately. If this doesn’t work then consider the other two options. However, without giving at least the first two steps a chance, which are recommended by our Lord Jesus Christ, it would not be wise to condemn them in public.   
May God give us His grace to heed to our clergy least we transgress His word: Do not touch my chosen people… 1 Chronicles 16:22
Forgive me if this is not related with the current topic 
Pray for me and my weakness
In Christ
Theophilus