I wanted to study today but I just wanted to think about other matters especially related to Jesus and knowledge.. I did nothing at all.. I felt good.. no temptation at all.. I do this often and waste my time.. Is it better sometimes to leave off study and protect myself from sin? seems silly.
Anyway it is my holidays and I know so many people who I love or who love me.. I can call to mind probably hundreds of people.. even if they were from my past..
But I will not spend time with 1 of them... I have forsaken them all!
I do not have zeal for life anymore as I once did in the long past.. talking does not come naturally.. nothing catches my attention to talk about it..I am crap at sport, I am crap at chess.. I do not try hard enough..
I want to also ask? is it true that there is really such a thing as life anymore? Is there such a thing as having a life?
Is it true that I once did have a life as I think I did? I sometimes think other people are to blame.. maybe they don't share the vision I have..
I have once been diagnosed with clinical depression.. but I have prayed and I have seen God do some interesting things I think..
I do not at all think religion is to blame.. on the contrary I can not have peace without God.. but jesus sometimes does seem more interested in the other life than this life.. the preaching of hell is to cause but then I think if you would just not be worried too much about this teaching and just followed the rest of His teachings life would improve.. but the fathers tell us we should think about death everyday.. and it does help I guess..
but is this the way life is meant to be for an adult?
Now tell me does everything a person says on these forums have a potential to cause people doubt? thats what I am afraid of? and if this is the case .. I truly can have no friends
There is many places in the bible which show that following God makes you happy.. so noone should think because of me that being a christian is anti-life.. Was Joseph Son of Jacob in the OT happy for following God's commandments? what was the result afterwards .. after a little trial?
Anyway I know my life isn't really bad.. and it might be a bit selfish to ask these questions
Comments
I will take your post part by part so i dont miss any point, and may God support us all in achieving answers! believe it or not... its fine, for example I was studying human sexuality... I had to leave my study sometimes and stand up for prayer, so that my mind does not become too indulged in the topic! some topics we learn may cause us to sin, if not on the spot, the storing of it may cause sin later on!
sometimes we sin while we study, just for the fact of us being alone... and in an atmosphere that makes it us vulnerable to sin! what i can say about that is why dont you try studying in the library... if the weather is nice, sit out and study there!
and remember also that our success is not very appealing to the devil, and I think this is what you are talking about... there are two kinds of wars... one is the "left-hand war" which is the everyday usual devil temptations... and there is the "right-hand war" which the devil will tell you to actually over pray, so you would get tired and give up... so the devil will come while we study, and tell us why don't we research Christ, and His life... you fall and you give that the whole day! the devil now succeeded because he had you stay away from your study! give to God what is God's and give to school what is school's... so you should have a time for researching about God... and you should have time to study! so to leave studying to research about God, is not from God... but a trap... during the holidays is the best time to grow your friendship with God... but remember Jesus on earth everyday met with people... people loved being around Him... because He was friendly, He didnt come and confine Himself... but was very easy to talk to... hence why people followed Him everywhere He went!
so out of of the hundreds, search the ones that would keep you close to God, and go out for a coffee, or for dinner as a group! but first have your friendship with God... and through your friendship with God, they will see and glorify your father who is in Heaven!!!
Life is beautiful... you are given the chance to live a friendship with God, and to prove that you can live with Him for the rest of your eternity! well there is compromising... not everyone should share you vision... everyone is different... the only vision that everyone should share is the vision of living in the Heavenly Kingdom... and that is why out of the hundreds you will pick and choose the ones that actually have that! this is very common now a days... I'm sure you are taking some drugs... but I will tell you a new method, try it eventhough it will really sound silly... but in the morning upon waking up and washing your face, look in the mirror and smile... a wide smile... make sure that you see your teeth when you smile... this is actually a proven method! pope Shenouda I am sure thinks of death everyday... but he jokes nonstop... God wants us to remember death and our eternal life, but with God there is always happiness... that even when we think of death we should be happy... in repentance, even when we fall, but rise again we should be happy... we need to be always happy... never think God is means being sad... as I mentioned before, if Jesus was a sad depressed person, the people wouldn't have followed Him, but rather they saw His smile, the saw His hope.. and they felt remorse being around Him! with age comes problems... this is a fact of life... you are learning more, and giving the devil more openings to attack! walking outside can cause people doubt... everywhere you can find doubt... give God your life, and the devil will be afraid to show you doubt, because he will know God will show you the light! Joseph was far from a little trial... imagine your brothers throw you and sell you as a slave? imagine your family disowned you... Joseph really went through so much... Joseph was a man... and he was tempted with the number one sin a man easily falls in, which is adultery... but he gave it up and RAN... he for sure wanted it... for he was a human and a humans love sin... but he sacrificed that for God... and did not fall... just like we need to be, I might love the sin of whatever, but who do I love more, God's friendship, or the sin?!
neshkor Allah... akhadna el baraka!
its just that he was ready and.. God said he will not give us more than we can bear..
but st paul said we are struck down but not forsaken.. perplexed but not in despair
God Bless and Pray for me and my weakness
I would like to correct what I wrote
rememberance of death
"..and it does help I guess"
I want to change this to
it does help.. not I guess!