Howdy, Stranger!
It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!
Categories
- All Categories 13.8K
- General Category 10.9K
- General Announcements 184
- Faith Issues 3.4K
- Coptic Orthodox Church 2.5K
- Personal Issues 1.4K
- Prayer Requests 423
- Random Issues 1.8K
- Introductions 294
- Non-Orthodox Inquiries 232
- Youth Corner 606
- Hymns 2.5K
- Hymns Discussion 2.5K
- Technicial Difficulties 368
- Technical Topics 368
Moral dilemmas
Dear All
I deduce that most posters are way younger than I am so I'm asking you for your advice and your prayers.
I am a late convert to Orthodoxy with a large family, none of whom have shown any interest in joining me (they are all 'of age')
All live in relationships that are unbiblical to say the least. My 22 year old daughter rents a flat from me with her 'partner' of some years standing. My 18 year old son is having a close relationship with a girl including bringing her back to my house late. My wife agrees with current morality.
OK then. Am I culpable and if so what should I do about it?
In Christ
Terry
I deduce that most posters are way younger than I am so I'm asking you for your advice and your prayers.
I am a late convert to Orthodoxy with a large family, none of whom have shown any interest in joining me (they are all 'of age')
All live in relationships that are unbiblical to say the least. My 22 year old daughter rents a flat from me with her 'partner' of some years standing. My 18 year old son is having a close relationship with a girl including bringing her back to my house late. My wife agrees with current morality.
OK then. Am I culpable and if so what should I do about it?
In Christ
Terry
Comments
but i'm not clear is your whole family converts, and didn't want it... or do they not want it and didn't convert?!
for your daughter all you can do now is show her love... and lead her by example to the faith... when she visits you or you her, try to bless your food before you eat... observe you fasting, and when she asks why you didnt eat... tell her its saint Mary's fast, or its Wednesday, etc... tell her the occasion... take blessings from christian pictures on the wall... if her name is after a saint's name or she has a favorite saint, on that saint's feast buy her an icon of a picture for her place... all these things when/if she sees it, she will ask you about it... or maybe she will even start a asking you random questions about the faith... and slowly by the blessings you are taking from the things you are doing... God will touch her heart!
just show her in the end you love her... even when she's upsetting you, give her a kiss and tell her how much she means to you!
now your son! your son is living under your roof... with YOUR rules!
again do everything you do with your daughter... but when/if he breaks the rules you make it clear that he did... I'm sure you can find a way to punish him...
the problem here is you agree with the with the morality, you have not taken a strong stand against it!
another thing that can be made... who pays for the bills?! or if shared who pays the majority of the bills?!
if its you... then you are the caretaker of the house, as much of a "jerkish" move as that would be, you can say my house, I pay for most of everything... my rules, on the wife and anyone that lives under the roof, but you can talk your wife into your morality!
if you don't pay the bills, and you are more of the house father... then you will not have much power which will lead you to stay quite in most of the time... and you would have to just talk your wife in your morality!
and dont forget one and formost, PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!
ask saint Monica to pray for you... and follow her example of prayer and tears over your children!
I took the blessings... Thank God!
Dear All
I deduce that most posters are way younger than I am so I'm asking you for your advice and your prayers.
I will pray for you. This is a blessing. I think you should evangelise to your household and tell them how and why you became Christian.
This is great - it means you are able to reach-out to people who were once like you. St Paul was able to do the same as he came from a non-Christian background.
I grew up completely with Orthodox and Catholics, and therefore, I may not be so patient or know how to approach non-Christian people. Sure, we can all be friends, and I have some VERY good non Christian friends -but they are not intimate friends.
The idea, in my opinion, is that God's commandments are for our benefit. Whether we love Him, or we know Him, or even if we hate Him, His commandments are for our benefit. So, if we are living outside of what He recommended for us, then for sure we are suffering.
You need to explain this somehow to your kids, in your own way. If you do not evangelise and invite Christ to your home, then you should worry. You cannot at all force your kids to do something against their wishes. However, you must bear a testimony to Christ, and that does not necessarily mean that you go and scream at your kids for being immoral. I would honestly suggest that you pray for them deeply and fervently.
They now have a Christian friend that they never had before - that is you.
Try to be a true Christian and not just a religious Christian. In other words they will not be impressed by you spending 3 days a week in church, quoting bible verses, fasting and performing Christian rituals. But rather show them that you truly love and care about them. Spend time with them and listen to what they have to say. Be patient and calm with them. Be there for them and offer a helping hand when they need you. Always put them first and you last in all you do. When they see positive changes in you they will be inspired by your transformation and possibly motivated to follow the same path.
Allow your children and wife to see a POSITIVE change in you as a result of becoming Christian. Whatever bad habits you might have had before you became a Christian try to make a huge effort to change them. Your actions will speak much louder than words.
Try to be a true Christian and not just a religious Christian. In other words they will not be impressed by you spending 3 days a week in church, quoting bible verses, fasting and performing Christian rituals. But rather show them that you truly love and care about them. Spend time with them and listen to what they have to say. Be patient and calm with them. Be there for them and offer a helping hand when they need you. Always put them first and you last in all you do. When they see positive changes in you they will be inspired by your transformation and possibly motivated to follow the same path.
I kind of disagree with this. I think Aiden didnt ask us to judge him or condemn him. He's seriously concerned that as a Christian, he has some responsibility about the spiritual welfare of his family. We cannot go off on a tangent and just tell him to behave like a "true Christian". Who are we to suggest that?
I think Aiden you are in a very worthy position to testify how God has changed your life to your family. I think the fact that now you pray for them and you pray for their spiritual development you have attained much - you were not doing this before you became a Christian; well - an Orthodox Christian at least!
As I mentioned, anyone who is living in immorality is not just far from God, but they are suffering. And therefore, we must see their condition as one of suffering. Through God's Commandments, He raises us to become godly. When we break them, we find ourselves desiring to eat the pods that were made for the pigs.
Put it this way - if you love someone who doesnt care about you, and they are about to walk into a tree, wouldnt you stop them? Do they need to love you in order for you to warn them? This is instinct. God treats us the same way. He prefers the return of the sinner rather than his demise.
I'm sure if you still love your kids (which I'm certain you do), the care you have for them will be blessed by God and they will love God through you.
You just need to find a way to explain to them what they are doing is in fact harming them - personally!
[quote author=grace08 link=topic=8227.msg105142#msg105142 date=1249333827]
Allow your children and wife to see a POSITIVE change in you as a result of becoming Christian. Whatever bad habits you might have had before you became a Christian try to make a huge effort to change them. Your actions will speak much louder than words.
Try to be a true Christian and not just a religious Christian. In other words they will not be impressed by you spending 3 days a week in church, quoting bible verses, fasting and performing Christian rituals. But rather show them that you truly love and care about them. Spend time with them and listen to what they have to say. Be patient and calm with them. Be there for them and offer a helping hand when they need you. Always put them first and you last in all you do. When they see positive changes in you they will be inspired by your transformation and possibly motivated to follow the same path.
I kind of disagree with this. I think Aiden didnt ask us to judge him or condemn him. He's seriously concerned that as a Christian, he has some responsibility about the spiritual welfare of his family. We cannot go off on a tangent and just tell him to behave like a "true Christian". Who are we to suggest that?
I think Aiden you are in a very worthy position to testify how God has changed your life to your family. I think the fact that now you pray for them and you pray for their spiritual development you have attained much - you were not doing this before you became a Christian; well - an Orthodox Christian at least!
I am in no way judging him or condemning him and I am not sure why you are saying that. I apologize to Aiden if I came across like that. I actually see him as a concerned father and husband who wants to reach out to his family. All I was trying to say is that what grabs the attention of non-Christians is kindness and love and not Christian rituals. If you go to a non-Christian and start preaching to them and sharing bible quotes (even though you have good intentions) they will likely get mad, but if you lend a helping hand they will be so appreciative and grateful. And once you establish a bond with them they will be more willing to listen to what you have to say and will respect your opinion.
and may God guide you and I
Secondly, there is a huge chance that anyone trying to do what you are saying will be showing off their own personalities rather than introducing the person to Christ's personality.
That is a danger. It is not I that live, but rather Christ that lives in me. This is why I disagree.
Someone will eventually come to Christ when they see that they need healing from the disasterous false sense of freedom that they were living in.
It will happen one day.
OK Grace, I still disagree because - I dont think this is relevent to Aiden's problem.
Secondly, there is a huge chance that anyone trying to do what you are saying will be showing off their own personalities rather than introducing the person to Christ's personality.
That is a danger. It is not I that live, but rather Christ that lives in me. This is why I disagree.
How is it that being kind, caring and loving is showing off your personality? I don't get it.
You should not be doing it for the show but it should be genuine and heart-felt.
As a Christian you should be Christ-like in personality and behaviour and that's how you draw people to be interested in Christianity.
Anyhow you don't have to agree with me you are entiltled to your own opinion.
God bless
God bless you and bless your family.