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Boys and Girls
Hello everyone,
I had a question that I hope God will help you answer...
How does one carry themself in front of the opposite gender? (Specifically girls)
For example, I often feel comfortable around boys and I feel like I shouldn't be
Thanks and
May God Bless
Merry Christmas
I had a question that I hope God will help you answer...
How does one carry themself in front of the opposite gender? (Specifically girls)
For example, I often feel comfortable around boys and I feel like I shouldn't be
Thanks and
May God Bless
Merry Christmas
Comments
2. what do you mean specifically girls? thats pointless - that question should be applied to everyone
I think Fr. Peter should answer this; and let me explain why:
Fr. Peter is a Coptic Orthodox Priest and he's British, NOT Egyptian. This is great. It means he is not at all confused by what is "Egyptian" , what is "European" - ways in which a girl should conduct herself. A lot of times in the Coptic Church, I notice that a lot of Egyptians confuse between what is "Christian" and what is "Egyptian".
In Egypt, for example, it is absolutely wrong to even touch a girl as like : tap her on the shoulders, or arm as a gesture of friendship. A lot of Egyptian girls see this as SO rude.
That is why I really suggest you benefit from Fr. Peter, because ultimately, we do not really care for what is Egyptian, what is French, or what is British. We care for what is Christian.
I know in many western societies, men treat women like men.. i mean, they just talk to them, behave with them in a very open, tactile way.
Best ask Mabsoota or Fr. Peter.
Its not boys or girls. No matter who you are with boy or girl a christian conduct will be and is the safest bet meaning. If what u do wont please God or your not sure is appropriate or maybe just feels weird just stay away. Same goes for both genders
Pray for me
Let me share what my sister told, who is also very comfortable around boys. It turns out that her platonic gestures every once in a while are mistaken by boys for a romantic one. That is one problem with being too comfortable. The basis for any relationship is setting and maintaining the boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries…
In Christ
Theophilus :)
Heres what i do
Its not boys or girls. No matter who you are with boy or girl a christian conduct will be and is the safest bet meaning. If what u do wont please God or your not sure is appropriate or maybe just feels weird just stay away. Same goes for both genders
Pray for me
I agree - but I think with the entanglement of our Egyptian culture deeply rooted in our CHurch, I think it is easy for people to get confused with what is Christian and what is Egyptian.
I'm sure if you read the Bible daily, and you fear God in your heart, then you will do well. God is concerned as what goes on in your heart.
I really think Fr. Peter should be answering this.
i had similar experiences on the other side of the atlantic.
i have always worked principly with men, and on many, many occasions have been the only woman on the team. as a result, some men have behaved with me like i was another man (twice i had the door to the men's changing room held open for me and once i nearly went in before i remembered i was female!). i am now quite knowledgable about cars and also some other subjects that i was never interested in ;)
i handle things by behaving like an egyptian, no, really! i rarely reciprocate patting-on-the-back gestures (although i don't get grumpy if someone does it) and i always keep a physical boundary, eg if there are some chairs and a sofa in the room, i sit on the chair, and if there are only sofas i sit at one end and put a bag or newspaper next to me, which gives the message, 'no, you can't sit right up against my leg'.
with good friends i will hug, but not usually at work. i have learnt from experience that an innocent, small sideways hug at work can result in colleagues asking questions like 'are you sure you would never have an affair?', which means things are already fairly advanced in their head. i get out of this with jokes like, 'don't worry, if you and i were the only people on the planet, i would fall in love with you and marry you'. this is a gentler reply than 'get lost!'
so chatting and laughing with men is fine, just keep that 50cm space all around you as your physical boundary and start reading the newspaper if the conversation becomes inappropriate. obviously with Christian men you can be clearer and explain 'i like my space' or 'i don't want to talk about that'. with workmates who are not Christians, make more use of negative body language, as they find it more comfortable than feeling 'told off'.
lots of men also are unsure how to act around women, so give clear signals, and they will be more comfortable. most europeans (and their descendants) need a good dose of egyptian culture. there is far too much casual hugging and bottom pinching that goes on, and many people get confused about what is a romantic gesture (btw 'friends' should never pinch bottoms!) and what is just friendly.
remember also in some situations, too much physical contact with the same sex can cause problems, not everyone in the world likes the opposite sex.
also CLOTHES! ok, not everyone needs to be extreme like me and wear quite baggy clothes, but womens' clothes in most of the world are too tight and too short. if your skirt doesn't reach your knees, most men find it sexy. likewise if any part of the cleavage is shown, or if trousers are very tight around the bottom. if the line of your underpants can be seen through the skirt/trousers, it is the skirt/trousers that are wrong, not the underpants! sorry to go into detail, but i have been told by men exactly what they found attrative and why, so i want to let you know what some men think.
it's also very hard for Godly men to concentrate on their work or in church if their colleagues are so attractively dressed. if you love your brother and you know that an extra 5cm on your skirt will help him to resist the temptation to lust, then surely you would wear a longer skirt!
of course, having a pure heart before God is the most important thing. however, many of the people we meet do not have pure hearts, so let's not give them any reason to be tempted.
A lot of people are tactile in nature... remember - shaking hands IS a normal thing to do.
Mabsoota, u sound so Egyptian, and not all of this is correct.
I mean, in Egypt, muslim women do Not even shake hands so has to not give the man any lustful thoughts, nor them have any lustful thoughts. I think it is a bit arrogant thinking that a guy will have lustful thoughts if he accidentally touches your leg whilst you're on a sofa or if he shakes your hand.
That's why I started this post with "fear God in what you do" - because it all boils down to what is in your heart. I can touch a girl's leg by TOTAL accident, and I can just touch a girl's leg less intensely, yet in my heart, there's more to it than just an accident. The difference is that the action is the same, but the result is different.
Whether you wear baggy clothes, funky clothes, tight clothes, whatever clothes, men are going to be attracted to you. Likewise for women. Men are attracted to women, and women attracted to men. The more you reveal to a man, the more he's going to be attracted.
I don't see a man going up to a woman wearing a Burka saying "WOW! She's so beautiful.. i'd like to get to know her more"!!
It is pointless in dressing to seduce men as men are so seductible anyway. Dressing in a sexy way to seduce a man is like a woman who is at a beach who digs her feet 10 cm in the sand and another who is just standing on the sand. Their feet will get wet anyway when the tide comes in.
lol.. yeah! with muslim girls.. and Coptic.
I mean, once I just touched some girl's hand and she was really shocked. I was just joking with her , and I moved her hands somehow... and she was in a complete state of shock.
It happened near 6th October University.
lol.. yeah! with muslim girls.. and Coptic.
I mean, once I just touched some girl's hand and she was really shocked. I was just joking with her , and I moved her hands somehow... and she was in a complete state of shock.
It happened near 6th October University.
Wow... nah, I don't think that's a rule or anything, that girl that you met must of been just crazy lol.
Btw, which university in 6th October? Because I go to university there lol. I'll be sure to stay away from the girls there. :D A bit sexist much? Btw, I really think women have it worse than men, they just keep it to themselves more lol.
But nowadays, Boys and girls become best friends with each other. Would you think of that being wrong?
should we stay away from those types of friendships?
May God Bless
Should / can boys and girls be "best friends". I think a best friend is quite intimate. They know your secrets. They know your problems. Are you happy to share that with a guy?
I admit, I had a lot of girls who were friends. It was great. Because they were all Catholic, there were boundaries etc. I cannot say they were intimate, but they were close.
Is a best friend to you someone you can share all your intimate personal life with? I don't think I would be happy hearing that from any of my friends who were girls. They'd have crossed the line with me if they bothered talking about that.
To be totally honest, I don't know the relationships you have with your friends. Why don't you ask your parents? Did you discuss that with them?
I still don't think it is right to treat my male friends as like my female friends. For example, I would put my arms around the shoulders of a good male friend, but no matter how close a female friend is, I would never do that. And actually, she wouldnt do that either. Now, these are French catholic women. This is their behaviour. They wouldnt allow you to do that, no matter how much you were good friends.
I'm not saying that men and women are not equal. You are equal! but I don't understand why you wish to be treated like a man amongst male friends. They should know better to give you more respect than treating you like a man.
Hello everyone,
I had a question that I hope God will help you answer...
How does one carry themself in front of the opposite gender? (Specifically girls)
For example, I often feel comfortable around boys and I feel like I shouldn't be
Thanks and
May God Bless
Merry Christmas
To be on the safe side, always ask yourself if your behaviour around the opposite sex is acceptable to God or not. Are you carrying yourself in a respectful way?
Just because you feel comfortable around the opposite sex is not a bad thing, actually its probably a good thing and it means you have a pure clean heart. Just make sure that they are not taking it the wrong way and its fine.
I also think that acceptable behaviour around the opposite sex varies in different cultures and there is no right or wrong as long as it is within Christian boundaries. For example some cultures greet the opposite sex with a kiss on the cheek, if you happen to live among such people, I don't think it would be appropriate to pull away when someone innocently tries to greet you with a kiss. On the other hand if you live in an arab country this will obviously not be appropriate and will definately be taken the wrong way.
So I think you have to be aware of the culture and society you live in and what is the norm there (again within Christian boundaries). Let's not be so uptight and rigid. Most people really don't take things the wrong way.
Every one is different and what is comfortable to you may not be comfortable to someone else but yet in Gods eyes they are both acceptable.
qt pa 2t, i don't mean not letting the guy sit down at all, just making sure there is a little space between you. if you accidently touch it's ok, but in a work place, where the tea room is a bit overcrowded, people do squash up a lot and it think it's not good to squash up against the opposite sex. i mean when there is a 2 seater sofa and 3 people want to sit on it. i know MOST guys won't have lustful thoughts if you do, i am just making these suggestions to avoid any trouble. i don't find that guys ignore me or find me too distant,
i am not advocating the burka! :D lol!
as for friends, some of my v close friends are men, and i am quite open with them, but i avoid subjects about women's bodily function. as an additional precaution, if i have close friends who are married, i make sure i become friends with their wives as well. remember most marriages start with friendship (and continue with it i hope!) so it's reasonable for your close friends of the opposite sex to see you as a potential partner if you are single.
as saint paul said to saint timothy, you should treat each other as brothers and sisters in all purity. i like grace08's response. i think it's very balanced.
Look at my French friends, they greet men with kisses, yet when you see them, when you are with them, no matter how close you are to them as friends, you will NOT - no.. you will NEVER feel right about putting your arm around them.... for whatever reason.
They command respect. These are French Christian women.
Also, Grace mentioned a point I failed in making that is ultimately everyone's concern about you:
Yes, you have a pure heart in being a close friend to them, but you need wisdom:
Are they taking advantage of that?
Do they respect you more or less?