What should X do?

LifeLightWayTruth

There is X. X has a mother, Y.

Y is always on the phone talking to her best friend about everything X does including personal things, like arguments, what X ate, what X says and does. X found out from his friend that personal things has been said about him because Y's best friend talks alot.

X told Y not to talk about him in her conversations because it hurts X that people know the details about his personal life and also wants things to be private about him, like what he ate, what he said, what he gets angry over. Y didn't take him seriously and keeps talking nevertheless.

If anything happens in the family, Y picks up the phone and instantly tells all. Its too much for X.

What should X do?

geomike

Well, first of all X shouldn't care what people think of her because only God's opinion matters, and if X is really bothered with Y's actions she should not give her attitude but X should ask Y to have a talk and X should tell Y about her feelings and should say that She IS SERIOUS and feels uncomfortable that Y is telling everybody about it, there are things to keep private and i would like for the things i do in the day private. Talk about whatever you just please do not talk about my things.

LifeLightWayTruth

X already tried that. But thanks anyway.

Of course God's opinion matters, but X's privacy is invaded and EVERYBODY is entitled to have privacy.

LifeLightWayTruth

What should X do further?

flexmd

[quote author=LifeLightWayTruth link=topic=9168.msg113873#msg113873 date=1272415436]
What should X do further?


I am assuming Y is over 30 year-old so X should understand that it’s not easy to change Y’s personality traits after reaching this age. Rest assure Y loves X very much and she wouldn't do anything to make X mad intentionally. My mom was the same way and here is what I did and worked fine.

1. Prevent It: Have the house filled with signs specially next to the phone that says “Silence is more musical than any song” or “I have often regretted my speech, never my silence” Also, while X in the house, he/she should hang a sign in his/her chest “private… no trespassing is allowed”  I know it seems strange thing to do but it worked with me.

2. Ignore It: X shouldn’t bring up this topic again or discuses it with Y except (see # 3). The best way to defuse the situation with others is to ignore it, behave as if Y’s actions are not affecting X, It is important to remain calm and detached during the conversations related to X with others, and do not accuse Y of wrong doing. X could diffuse the conversations with others with a joke but at the end say “X loves Y no matter what”

3. Confront It: Decide whether confronting Y will make her stop or cause X to waste time and energy. The way you decide this is to determine what type of talk Y is interested in for example, is it prayer request talk? like “ X is doing so and so (bad things) and Y does not know how to handle X. Is it bless his heart” talk? like “X didn’t eat after I spent the whole day in the kitchen”, is it chit chat talk? like “X didn’t clean the room last night”  Only prayer request talk needs confrontation in a rational way..

Good luck...

LifeLightWayTruth

[quote author=flexmd link=topic=9168.msg113878#msg113878 date=1272422268]
[quote author=LifeLightWayTruth link=topic=9168.msg113873#msg113873 date=1272415436]
What should X do further?


I am assuming Y is over 30 year-old so X should understand that it’s not easy to change Y’s personality traits after reaching this age. Rest assure Y loves X very much and she wouldn't do anything to make X mad intentionally. My mom was the same way and here is what I did and worked fine.

1. Prevent It: Have the house filled with signs specially next to the phone that says “Silence is more musical than any song” or “I have often regretted my speech, never my silence” Also, while X in the house, he/she should hang a sign in his/her chest “private… no trespassing is allowed”  I know it seems strange thing to do but it worked with me.

2. Ignore It: X shouldn’t bring up this topic again or discuses it with Y except (see # 3). The best way to defuse the situation with others is to ignore it, behave as if Y’s actions are not affecting you, It is important to remain calm and detached during the conversations related to you with others, and do not accuse Y of wrong doing. You could diffuse the conversations with others with a joke but at the end say “X loves Y no matter what”

3. Confront It: Decide whether confronting Y will make her stop or cause you to waste time and energy. The way you decide this is to determine what type of talk Y is interested in for example, is it prayer request talk? like “ X is doing so and so (bad things) and Y does not know how to handle X. Is it bless his heart” talk? like “X didn’t eat after I spent the whole day in the kitchen”, is it chit chat talk? like “X didn’t clean the room last night”  Only prayer request talk needs confrontation in a rational way..

Good luck...


Thank you very much for this, sounds that it might just work.

Your brother in Christ,
Phillip.

mabsoota

when you are old enough, you can move to another town, this can really help!
i know it's really annoying to have no privacy, try to find friends who are not interested in y's talk (eg much younger or much older people perhaps) and remember, God knows how you feel. Jesus had no privacy at all. He would go off somewhere remote to pray and a huge crowd would follow. so praying about your situation and accepting to suffer will bring you closer to God.
remember y probably has quite poor self esteem or she wouldn't have to live her life through the actions of others. pray for her to find more purpose in her life with God. maybe she is bored, so has too much time to talk. perhaps suggest she spend more time helping poor people or serving in church, and tell her you can cook for yourself while she is out in the evening (learn to cook, then she doesn't know what you ate!), or encourage her to get a job, help her to learn about using the computer etc. then maybe she will have other things to focus on, not you.
we will also pray

DanieM

Y is a lot like my mother from the sounds of it.  ;D Always gossiping about her children.

The one question I have on this is, how does Y know most of the things X does? Does X share most of this information with Y?
If confronting it did not work, maybe X should stop telling Y everything he/she does so then there is nothing to talk about.

Otherwise I would just say ignore it, it may just be in Y's nature, and that is something that cannot be changed from the sounds of it.