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THINGS IN COMMON...
I know this sounds like a dumb question
but...umm..
what things are two people (engaged/planning on getting engaged) supposed to have in common????
***(besides same religion..)
but...umm..
what things are two people (engaged/planning on getting engaged) supposed to have in common????
***(besides same religion..)
Comments
some shared interests or hobbies would be great too, to find things to share, talk about and do together :)
However, i'm still 17, not married or engaged or anything whatsoever, so i have no clue what i'm talking about ;D
Also, same way of thinking about most things, and a close spiritual level.
Good luck!
i dont think i can even look this person in the face if we were like close and then i get engaged or married to someone else ???
wow that must cause so much emotional distress!!!(sadness, feeling of betrayel, etc..)
i really hope NO ONE can be in this situation.. thats so hard to deal with .. but ya good point fadid
so how can we avoid such a situation? cuz i definitely dont know!
GB
I know this sounds like a dumb question
but...umm..
what things are two people (engaged/planning on getting engaged) supposed to have in common????
***(besides same religion..)
You are meant to have the same values.
I attended this course on relationships in Canada, and the Coptic Church got this psychiatrist who mentioned that people need to have the same values. EXACTLY the same values.
This is what u should have in common. She mentioned that there existed "MICRO-VALUES". This is what u need to have in common.
For example, as Christians, we ALL have the same values.
However, between us, there are some that believe passionately that kissing your fiance is wrong before marriage, others don't. Some believe that drinking is wrong, some don't. Some believe dating girls is OK, some don't. Yet we are all Coptic Orthodox.
I think also , CULTURE is important. This is what u should have in common AND language. The Church was established on the day of the pentecost. The 1st tool Christ gave His apostles was the gift of speaking in languages. In a marriage, this is a small Church. 2 believers, united in faith, living in holiness. This is a marriage. There should also be communication between them. Most problems happen when people translate from one language to another. Its awful...
I know a interracial couple, Egyptian (husband) married to Lebanese (wife) So different arabic. Anyways, the husband asked one morning for "sheraab", and the wife asked "why would you want soup in the morning." She says this in arabic, so my uncle was frustrated...what do you mean i wouldn't want sharaab in the morning"... lol...it went for awhile i think
Yeah, language....
Haha language...
I know a interracial couple, Egyptian (husband) married to Lebanese (wife) So different arabic. Anyways, the husband asked one morning for "sheraab", and the wife asked "why would you want soup in the morning." She says this in arabic, so my uncle was frustrated...what do you mean i wouldn't want sharaab in the morning"... lol...it went for awhile i think
Yeah, language....
Even worse, tell ANY egyptian from egypt this:
"Oh that's crazy"
or even politely say "O man, you're crazy!"
LOL... welcome to world war III....
i dont necessrily think you need to have EXACTLY the same values?? how is that possible??
Let's say I dated a girl who felt that HOLDING hands before marriage was wrong, and let's say that I felt that sex b4 marriage was wrong, but not holding hands or even kissing - for example (ONLY EXAMPLE!) - how do u think we'd get along???
I knew Christian girls who were practcing that didnt believe that sex b4 marriage was wrong. When I told them that I believed it was wrong, even one said that i was too "rigid" and i had to "open my mind" a bit.
Haha language...
I know a interracial couple, Egyptian (husband) married to Lebanese (wife) So different arabic. Anyways, the husband asked one morning for "sheraab", and the wife asked "why would you want soup in the morning." She says this in arabic, so my uncle was frustrated...what do you mean i wouldn't want sharaab in the morning"... lol...it went for awhile i think
Yeah, language....
i know how that feels like. my cousin is married to a lebanaese guy.
[quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=734.msg72790#msg72790 date=1182269063]
Let's say I dated a girl who felt that HOLDING hands before marriage was wrong, and let's say that I felt that sex b4 marriage was wrong, but not holding hands or even kissing - for example (ONLY EXAMPLE!) - how do u think we'd get along???
well if u really know that she's the rit one for you, u'll get along some how. lol, maybe tell them why is it rong. i don't think they'll give you a good reason why would it be right!!!
well thats why u look for a gurl that has the same belief.......but not all values or beliefs need to be EXACTLY the same......say u belived smoking was wrong but ur partner was smoking....is that going to prevent u from being with them?? or considering them?
Well...Yes it would. Of course it would!!! Why should i subject myself to a lifetime of inhaling smoke for???
it wouldnt bother me..........we all have our habits....im not going to hold that against someone or base my future partner on that............you cant change people........we all have defaults or weaknesses........
Yeah, ok, i agree - i wouldnt ask anyone to change for me. I'd leave them and find someone else who's habits didnt ruin my health.
What's wrong with that??
Yeah, ok, i agree - i wouldnt ask anyone to change for me. I'd leave them and find someone else who's habits didnt ruin my health.
u shouldn't ask them to change.... but they should , of their love to you, change.
i belive that no one is worth changing for except those who really, really love you and respect you as you deserve.
[quote author=minagir link=topic=734.msg72798#msg72798 date=1182270366]
u shouldn't ask them to change.... but they should , of their love to you, change.
i belive that no one is worth changing for except those who really, really love you and respect you as you deserve.
Can I get an 'AMEN!'
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
[quote author=minagir link=topic=734.msg72798#msg72798 date=1182270366]
u shouldn't ask them to change.... but they should , of their love to you, change.
i belive that no one is worth changing for except those who really, really love you and respect you as you deserve.
Can I get an 'AMEN!'
I think if someone changes its because out of your love for them, you've helped them grow.
See... i don't like the idea of making people "change". I do subscribe to the idea that someone has grown and developed. There is a difference, and i adhere to this difference. Telling them that they've changed is quite offensive. However, telling them that they've developed is very positive.
If take a rose seed and plant it, after a while it will grow into a rose flower. Before it was a small seed, now its a beautiful flower. I can say it has changed, but i prefer to use the word "grown". I'd use the word "changed" if it developed into a giraffe. It wasnt what was intended for this seed.
Many of us turn out with bad habits and perhaps some chips on our shoulders because of what life has done to us. Removing these constraints that dim a person's equality of life, allowing them to be who they were intended to be is not asking them to change... its leading them to growth.
so its all about ur health now is it?? my my arent we picky....and i guess ud want ur partner to be fit and not fat........why is it such a big deal if someone smoked??....if ur partner committed adultery and repented and is trying hard to change are u going to hold that agianst them becoz u dont believe wat they did wsa right?
Are u asking me?
no vassilios im talking to the camel behind u
I showed the camel your message, and he said "typical monkey! i didnt understand a word"
Kidding... rephrase the question, I didnt understand it either actually, not just the camel!! THanks -
Tell me what do u mean ?
[quote author=Κηφᾶς link=topic=734.msg72801#msg72801 date=1182270971]
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
[quote author=minagir link=topic=734.msg72798#msg72798 date=1182270366]
u shouldn't ask them to change.... but they should , of their love to you, change.
i belive that no one is worth changing for except those who really, really love you and respect you as you deserve.
Can I get an 'AMEN!'
I think if someone changes its because out of your love for them, you've helped them grow.
See... i don't like the idea of making people "change". I do subscribe to the idea that someone has grown and developed. There is a difference, and i adhere to this difference. Telling them that they've changed is quite offensive. However, telling them that they've developed is very positive.
well when i say change, i mean becoming like the other. that is not growing. becasue that change can be bad and can be good. it can be neither.....but it's a change.
the word grown is a more serious word to discribe this. great example but you wont find another rose that would grow the same exact, 100% the same way.
[quote author=kerestina link=topic=734.msg72802#msg72802 date=1182271133]
if ur partner committed adultery and repented and is trying hard to change are u going to hold that agianst them becoz u dont believe wat they did wsa right?
This is not an easy question at all, and I think it boils down to the individual, and how much they are willing to accept in their partner.
[quote author=kerestina link=topic=734.msg72805#msg72805 date=1182271434]
no vassilios im talking to the camel behind u
I showed the camel your message, and he said "typical monkey! i didnt understand a word"
Kidding... rephrase the question, I didnt understand it either actually, not just the camel!! THanks -
Tell me what do u mean ?
forget it.....you, ur monkey n ur camel can relax those brain cells
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
[quote author=kerestina link=topic=734.msg72802#msg72802 date=1182271133]
if ur partner committed adultery and repented and is trying hard to change are u going to hold that agianst them becoz u dont believe wat they did wsa right?
This is not an easy question at all, and I think it boils down to the individual, and how much they are willing to accept in their partner.
yes it may not be an easy question but it all falls in the hands of the individual as with any other decisions or judgements.....if we were told hold someone to their sins then is that not judging?
Christian faith is a good place to start and finish, because if you are both trying to live a Christian life, you will self-sacrifice for each other - as lovers should. Love, as St. Paul reminded us, requires us to give, as well as receive, and it is not prideful; it is long-suffering and has patience and charity - and hope.
If we truly recognise, in our spouse the image of God, then we will respect and honour them, as they will us; at the same time, both need to recognise the inheritance of sin, and what weaknesses that brings with it. But each can help the other.
In Christ,
John
It does, indeed depend on the individuals concerned. Two egotists are unlikely to work out, precisely because what they have in common is what will eventually divide them.
Christian faith is a good place to start and finish, because if you are both trying to live a Christian life, you will self-sacrifice for each other - as lovers should. Love, as St. Paul reminded us, requires us to give, as well as receive, and it is not prideful; it is long-suffering and has patience and charity - and hope.
If we truly recognise, in our spouse the image of God, then we will respect and honour them, as they will us; at the same time, both need to recognise the inheritance of sin, and what weaknesses that brings with it. But each can help the other.
In Christ,
John
What do u mean then that it boils down to the individual?
It boils down to the individual, because not all people would be able to accept the fact that their future spouse actually slept with another person, regardless of whether they repented or not. Now, let me specify, when I speak about adultery in this context, i'm talking about the actual act of sleeping with another person out of wedlock. That is just a reality. Granted, some people reflect Christ's love more than others, and would be willing to accept a person with this sort of background. But there are others who wouldn't.
[quote author=Κηφᾶς link=topic=734.msg72810#msg72810 date=1182271620]
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
[quote author=kerestina link=topic=734.msg72802#msg72802 date=1182271133]
if ur partner committed adultery and repented and is trying hard to change are u going to hold that agianst them becoz u dont believe wat they did wsa right?
This is not an easy question at all, and I think it boils down to the individual, and how much they are willing to accept in their partner.
yes it may not be an easy question but it all falls in the hands of the individual as with any other decisions or judgements.....if we were told hold someone to their sins then is that not judging?
Kerestina, i erased my other post cos i felt u were offended . I was being totally serious in that I didnt understand your point. Now,i understand.