Hello,
What advice would you give for someone who is engaged?
And what advice would you give for someone who is married?
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One major major piece of advice that a friend's mother told him was "IGNORE EVERYTHING SHE DOES THE 1st YEAR OF MARRIAGE".
And frankly speaking, that's very wise advice, cos when u live together, you are learning to adapt.
What things should you NOT/NEVER do once u are married??!!!
Comments
i was engaged and i got to much advises...so it failed... :'(
the only thing i can say is to follow ur heart and to listen to god and what he wants to tell u....
In 1 Cor. 7 and in Mark 10 (i feel very sorry that i am not able to quote it because i don´t have an english bible at home) we will see that when you married a person, the person who you loves from your heart, who god led you to, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. Marriage is a sacred institution established by God for the primary purpose of bringing Him glory.
Marriage is a gift from God and he intended men and women to live together. Men and women should help and support one another and be faithful.
Christianity views marriage as a holy sacrament and as a reflection of the relationship of Jesus Christ and the Church.
Listen to god and speak with your father of confession...
[coptic]Oujai qen `P=o=c.[/coptic]
[coptic]Gewrgioc[/coptic]
Never say: 'I knew it was a mistake to get married!'
or: 'You're just like your mother!'
or: 'How can anyone be that stupid!'
or: 'It is all your fault!'
Set aside one day a month for each other and have a special dinner at which you discuss what it is you have done to help each other and what it is you have to give God thanks for. It will help both of you grow in thankfulness to the Lord and to each other, joined together as you are in Him.
Mothers in law - well, most of them respond pretty well as long as you seem a good husband to their daughter; just think what you will, God willing, want one day for your daughter - and try to do it.
In Christ,
John
that is what he meant...
In Christ,
John
my question is wat do u expect from ur wife?? do u have any expectations??
i think jus be urself.....dont try and impress....impressing is fake..the only difference between engagement and marriage is that its finalised in paper and in church.......why shud u treat her any differently to when u were engaged???
Interesting and good points. You should not treat your spouse any different after the first year. However, what is perhaps being reflected in such a statement is the sad reality that in some relationships familiarity breeds complacency, and some people (especially, I am ashamed to say, men) tend to take their spouse for granted after a while. They stop buying flowers, forget to do those little kindnesses which can mean so much in a marriage; they can get wrapped up in their day to day work and can forget each other.
Marriage is, as as been said, a sacred and a solemn thing; it is also a great joy. But it does mean self-sacrifice - and for some people, putting some one else before themselves can be a difficult - and challenging experience; which is why some don't do it, or forget to do it.
Marriages need working at. Too often we assume that we can make them work without actually putting in any work - as though 'love' conquers all; it doesn't - without help. That is why living the Christian life is very good for a marriage - as Christians we recognise the need to put others first and to work for Him, not ourself.
In Christ,
John
You'll thank me later.
And if you are going to ignore me (I will forgive you, but you probably won't forgive yourself), be the cook...you never know what secret ingredient would accidentally be put into your specially prepared meal otherwise. Oh and they say that food is the way to a man's heart- so if you are a guy and don't want to lose all your money, marry a bad cook...
I think that is enough said.
Part of our problem in the west is that we have confused lust with love. Here, again, living the Christian life is a good way forward.
In Christ,
John
As I understand the saying, it means that if you marry in haste, that is, if you don't take the time to get to know the person beforehand, and are in a rush to get married, then you end up repenting at your leisure. This means you have the whole duration of your marriage to regret what you did. The gist of the saying is that you should take the time to get to know your future potential spouse and not rush into things. Otherwise, you may live with regret for the rest of your life. John, please feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
You are absolutely correct in your interpretation of the saying.
I'm sure there must be a reason why Vassilios has acquired a new name here, but there's no mistaking his 'voice' - which is always good to 'hear'.
When he asks I am tempted to say that the answer is 'never'! But if we amend it to 'when do I know her enough to know that I want to ask her to marry me?' that is a different question. In a way, the answer is different for everyone.
- You may feel you know her well enough, only for her to turn you down; that would indicate you were wrong!
- You may feel you know her well enough, and decide you don't want to marry her; that would indicate you got something wrong!
- You may know here well enough, and she may accept; and you can still find you got it wrong!
I suppose the message is that there is no certainty, which is why those who believe in the Christian conception of marriage for life need to take every care, and every prayer, before they embark on the joint journey. Undertaken in a prayerful spirit of self-sacrifice and love, it can be the greatest joy; undertaken in any other spirit it can be the opposite.
One thing is sure, that getting married is only the start of the work - it is a life long commitment to care for another, and that takes work, prayer and mutual respect - as well as love.
In Christ,
John
When he asks I am tempted to say that the answer is 'never'! But if we amend it to 'when do I know her enough to know that I want to ask her to marry me?' that is a different question. In a way, the answer is different for everyone.
- You may feel you know her well enough, only for her to turn you down; that would indicate you were wrong!
- You may feel you know her well enough, and decide you don't want to marry her; that would indicate you got something wrong!
- You may know here well enough, and she may accept; and you can still find you got it wrong!
I suppose the message is that there is no certainty, which is why those who believe in the Christian conception of marriage for life need to take every care, and every prayer, before they embark on the joint journey. Undertaken in a prayerful spirit of self-sacrifice and love, it can be the greatest joy; undertaken in any other spirit it can be the opposite.
One thing is sure, that getting married is only the start of the work - it is a life long commitment to care for another, and that takes work, prayer and mutual respect - as well as love.
i agree with Mr John................
one can never really know their partner as we all act and behave differently in certain situations
and when entering marriage its not that ppl change altho they may but that they got to know them better........marriage is a different ball game....who knows how ppl will react to committment and responsibility.....onli time will tell...........
I do think that your view is very valuable here; we have had a lot of men commenting - but it takes two to make a marriage work. Too often, alas, men seem to leave it to their wife to do the emotional work; it won't work if that is the case.
As you say, people react differently to responsibility and to commitment. Women mature earlier than men, and I have seen too many men, over the years, assume that somehow it is the job of the wife to keep that side of things going. That is why the Christian concept of marriage is so important - it provides guidance for both man and woman - as well as stressing that it is up to both partners to work together in God.
In Christ,
John
Married: Help each other set goals, help each other stay on task, remember that you aren't two people any more, you are one.
Insulting the other is insulting yourself whether you like it or not.
too right you are john... there's no I in team............jus like it takes two to tango..it also takes two to raise i family (well one in christ).........i think quite often men divide the roles and respoonsibilities in a household, where in fact i think both partners shud be flexible....the wife cant always cook, what will happen wen she gets sik?? is she still expected to cook?? (the answer better be no) lol..........in saying that there is always sumone who leads as with anything else........COMMUNICATION is crucial in marriage...
Dear Kerestina,
Abslutely right - and the points made by davidschanter alsp point in the same direction. Only by respecting each other and a willingness to forego getting your own way all the time can you make a marriage work.
Your point about the cooking is a good one. It is so sad to come across older men who are widowers who live on a very restricted diet because they never learned how to cook. I once knew a man who, when his wife died, had to ask his daughter how to use things like the washing machine and the cooker, because he'd never used them. She showed him - but made him do the work - quite right too. Men should not mistake their wives for their mothers in this respect - although many seem to.
In Christ,
John
Commandment 1
Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning.
Commandment 2
If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every
word you say; talk in your sleep.
Commandment 3
Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Commandment 4
Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year,
the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year,
they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Commandment 5
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can
be sure of one thing: Either the car is new or the wife is.
Commandment 6
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one. The
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Commandment 7
Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about
something you said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before
you finish.
Commandment 8
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Commandment 9
Marriage and love are purely matter of chemistry. That is why
wives treat husbands like toxic waste.
Commandment 10
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished
To deny the importance of finances (i.e. money) when it comes to marriage is, I feel, naive. In an ideal world, where people knew that money wasn't everything, than everything said above would be correct. Sadly, this is not the case, and I have found that Egyptians can be extremely materialistic. It's a sad fact about our culture and something that we can hopefully correct in future generations.
Kerestina,
Please accept my humblest apologies. I did not mean to call you naive as much as the concept that money isn't important is naive.
Marriage requires that the people getting married are financially secure. If you cannot support yourself, you are in position to take responsibility for another person. Furthermore, as Egyptians, some take the view that a means of measuring how 'financially' secure an individual is is based on how much they are willing to spend on their significant other (be it a shabka or anything else). They seem to forget that the foundation of marriage is in fact love and respect. Money comes and goes but love must remain for a marriage to last. I agree that money shouldn't be the primary focus when it comes committing your life to another person. But the reality is, despite what we may feel, the majority do not share this view.
[quote author=QT_PA_2T link=topic=5461.msg73254#msg73254 date=1182784892]
Can we learn to give thanks to God for ALL His blessings??? Whatever we have, we thank the Lord, and that's it.
This is 100% correct. This is what we should do, but sadly, not something we do practice. I have seen people who say that they rely on God in all things, but when push comes to shove, this is sadly not the case.
Just follow ur heart andGod will guide u!
am gonna have to disagre ur heart isn't always right so u shouln't always follow ur heart.
hope i explained it better.
P.s. Just follow the bible
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
Furthermore, as Egyptians, some take the view that a means of measuring how 'financially' secure an individual is is based on how much they are willing to spend on their significant other (be it a shabka or anything else). They seem to forget that the foundation of marriage is in fact love and respect. Money comes and goes but love must remain for a marriage to last. I agree that money shouldn't be the primary focus when it comes committing your life to another person. But the reality is, despite what we may feel, the majority do not share this view.
Let me reply to this 'publicly'......
I've been an Egyptian all my life but have lived abroad all my life. The fact that we all have to face is: a person who is not able or does not want to spend enough on his/her significant other before marriage will definitely not be able or not want to spend much during marriage. Relationships and engagements before the big day are in fact a small test to show how a person behaves in different situations. A person might be seen as 'cheap' because he does not take her out or calls her enough....it is vital for the girl to know that she can depend on him financially after leaving her parents' home. Love is definitely a cornerstone but respect and being a gentleman helps build a stronger love. As a matter of fact, when girls see that their gentle partner are ready to give them the world with love, she will in return give him all that she possesses, with love, and support him during financial hardships.
Remember that you do not waste money by spending on your significant other. You are in fact investing in the relationship! This is a natural gesture of love from both sexes!
My humble opinion......
Also I would like to say the above "10 Commandments"- yes, it is a joke- but I in no way am perpetuating that Marriage is not sacred or derogating its sanctity. Please don't take it the wrong way.
[quote author=loveforever link=topic=5461.msg75075#msg75075 date=1186091414]
The fact that we all have to face is: a person who is not able or does not want to spend enough on his/her significant other before marriage will definitely not be able or not want to spend much during marriage.
I am bolding a certain part of your post because I find it to be troubling in the least. A person can (and will be) penalized simply because they are unable, despite all their efforts, to meet the standards of their fiance(e)? How is that fair? To live beyond one's means will result not only in the collapse of a person's credit rating (leading to huge debts) but also the relationship. A balance must be struck between how much is spent and on what. It is unfair to expect one's significant other to go beyond their financial means to please them. Interesting. So, it seems that being willing to give the whole world is okay now. And yet, in the previous quote, if a person is unable, it will be held against them. Which is it? Either it is enough that one is willing (while not necessarily able to) give the whole world without doing so, or one must give the whole world regardless. It would be nice for you to account for this discrepancy please. Oh, I certainly believe it is possible to waste money on your significant other/spouse. The amount of money spent should not be equated with how much a person loves another. That is a faulty equation.
You are right, I wasn't clear as to what I mean.
Being ready to give the world is just an expression to say that the person is already giving a lot and will not mind buying the whole world for the girl if he can because he values her a lot.
Not being able to spend on the girl was not the right term, i agree.
In the end, actions speak louder than words, so if the guy is already doing a lot and knows that what he spends on the girl is an expression of love and of how much he values her, i guess he's safe :D But I have to agree, money is not everything. Some guys can buy everything to the girl and still treat her bad.
It's a balance!